Emotional, Intellectual and Moral Infidelity': A Note By Naushad Noorani

Emotional, Intellectual and Moral Infidelity': A Note By Naushad Noorani

by Nisaar Y. Nadiadwala on Monday, December 26, 2011 at 3:33pm

The following note is written by my dear friend Naushad Noorani. I am sharing it with my Readers .

Let me provoke you: You may be indulging in ignored shades of infidelity

Some of you will hate me for writing this piece, some of you may think iIam too conservative, or a pervert, or mad, or that I have a disease in my heart or have lost it. But read this piece you must. And of course, respond and rebut if you may.

Just about 85 years back or so, whenever there was any inter-mingling between women and men, it was in person, and communication between a man and a woman was either face to face, or behind a curtain, or through a whisper or a glance or through handwritten letters or through a person that plays the role of a messenger between an unrelated man and a woman.

Hence, when care & caution was to be exercised on the issue of refraining from free intermingling between the two genders, there was a greater amount of restraint also because of the difficulties involved.

Now, those difficulties and obstacles no longer exist. Intermingling, communicating and sharing of feelings, views and ideas takes place so easily through sms, email, videochats, skype, FaceBook and other social media sites and also on phone.

The issue here is as follows: 

a) You will agree that Satan is our avowed enemy and that he does and will use every possible trick and ploy to deceive us into gradually disobeying Allah swt more & more.

b) The moment you and I, or anyone thinks "this cannot happen with me, or I will never ever do this or fall into this" - when we start believing and thinking such, it is a sign of complacency, over-confidence and also lighter shades of pride and vanity. This too is Satan deceiving you and I. This feeling of “this will never happen with me” leads us to lower our guards and we may sin or we may invite a test from Allah swt.

c) Most of us associate the words 'fidelity' and 'intimacy' with physical aspects. However there are shades of emotional and intellectual intimacy and fidelity (or infidelity). It is these aspects that Satan makes us overlook and herein lies the danger.

d) Dont forget that the best of parents & siblings (in case of those that are single) and the best of husbands and wives can never be complete packages of all traits and qualities that we may want or desire in a spouse (or in a sibling or in parents). Each one of us may have varied unfulfilled desires: many of us may think thus: I wish my spouse was more intelligent, wittier, a better and more empathetic listener, more tech-savvy, a better speaker, a better writer, younger, more world-wise, more knowledgable about this subject, or whatever. Now some of us fill this gap through our friends, relatives and neighbours of the same gender.

Yet due to the advent of texting, sms, email, chats, webcams, et al, some of us may start e-conversations, e-dialogues and e-relations with those of the opposite gender that are not our Mahrams, and this brings us closer to them in ways that perhaps was not possible decades back without openly acknowledging that this is nothing but free intermingling.

While one may wish and also say this is mere platonic friendship, it may lead to what I call emotional and intellectual infidelity. What gaps I have in intimacy (not physical) with my spouse, I may try to fill this void with an e-friendship with a non-Mahram. Please chill over here: this email is addressed to a very wide list of contacts, so there is no one person specifically in my mind while writing this piece.

Now you may say that hey this is not fair, Naushad, don't you interact with ladies in your office and workspace? True, one does, but the effort must be to minimize and not to take this as an excuse to do the same outside of work life.

Also, when the e-relation is between those that are like-minded in spiritual matters and share the same religious fervor and mission, an affinity and a liking to develop is easier.

And one thing may lead to another. Not necessarily phyical, but a greater bond of friendship, attraction, mutual liking, admiration and intimacy, which may make the marital life have a greater void or a strained relationship with one's spouse. Most of us our possessive about our spouses and do not like them chatting or texting or emailing a non-Mahram.

Perhaps one solution, amongst other solutions that you may suggest, is: please minimize all e-interactions to the bare minimum for the work on hand to get done and refrain from sweet melodious e-words of praise, appreciation, emoticons, smileys, etc. without sacrificing courtesy.

Now just a small thought on Moral Fidelity: how do I dress? Is it something that attracts unwanted attention and lustful glances? Why advertise something that you do not wish to share, gift or sell? Why let non-Mahrams feast on your beauty which is only for your immediate family members? This is what I refer to as Moral Infidelity.

Have I lost it completely? Or am I on track (at least on the thought processes, if not in my deeds and actions) about the issue of intermingling, and on the issues of what I call 'emotional, intellectual and moral infidelity' ???

Author : Naushad Noorani is in the corporate world and is an avid observer of social trends from Islamic perspective.

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