Monday, April 30, 2012

How Good Should You Be To Your Parents?


by Nisaar Y. Nadiadwala on Monday, April 30, 2012 at 6:10pm ·

  The Qur'an says : Be thankful to Me and to your Parents ...Surah Luqman verse 14. We can thank Allah in many ways.. by worshipping him...obeying him... But is a mere "Thank you" or a card on "Parent's day" or just a hug with no warmth, enough to display our thank to our parents?

   Among the verses which we hear the most in our sermons, seminars and personal advices is " Be good to your parents"  Can goodness be measured? Can you take  a stock of your goodness?  NO ! But can Allah take stock of my goodess? Yes. If you study the verses related to the the rights of parents you will come  across many injuctions that gives us a good parameter to atleast analyse how good we are to our parents, rather how bad we are to them.

    In Surha Baqarah verse 83, Allah says : We taook a promise from the Bani Israel that they will not worship any one besides Allah and will be kind to  their parents... The arabic phrase is : Wabil Walidayn ihasana...Ihsan in Urdu means to oblige someone. But in Arabic it means : To offer the best. The root word "Ha Seen Noon" has another word " Husna" which means "To beautify".  Now if study the phrase again, we read it " and "Beautify your conduct towards your parents" How does one beautify his conduct. or offer a best conduct?

    Ihsan also means better response for good , good for evil and it reflects in speech and action. In speech, the Qur'an gives and example inn Surah Nisaa..And when a  courtesou greeting is offered to your respond it with better.. the Arabic phrase for better response is..with ahsan...Ahsan is a superlative degree of good.. and the Hadith explains this verse : when some body says Assalamualaikum.. you reply him : walaykumussalam warahamtullah wabarakatuhu... Rahmatullahi and Barakatuhu are better reponse...

   So how can we do ihsan with parents in  speech? Surah Isra , verse 23 says : Waqullahuma qaulan Kareema.. and talk to them in an honourable manner. ..Dont' instruct them but request them. Respond them politey.  Correct them respectfully. This is what the Qur'an instructs us when it says: do not say even "UFF" to them. Even a harsh father of Prophet Ibrahim was responded by his son by the term " Yaa Abaati " O my dear father ". This  ihsan was  towards a father who is one of the biggest obstacle in his passion of Touhid. Compare this with our corrections of our parents who are  regular in salah and nice people!

     Even body language is a form of communication, isnt it? Looking harshly at parents can give you negative grades. Aisha r.a.a said : A man looking harshly at his father is not a man of rightous conduct ( In spite of his being a regular in the masjid, giving charity....)  Ibn Abbas said : Ihsan towards parents also include, not to shake one's clothes before them so as to prevent the dust from our clothers fall on them !

   Allah loves kindness to parents says a popular Hadith from Bukhari. But many of us exclude spending on parents . Let us check from the Qur'an : They ask you what should spend? Say : What ever  you spend  is good.. on parents.. So spending on parents is an act that qualifies you to stand in the ranks of those who  do Ihasan with parents. A father has right to spend the money of his son. This is an Islamic ruling with no second opinion. Today we run out of our money in buying expensive gadgets for our wives and kids, while our parents run short of money for their medicines.  Let me whisper one more thing.. wasting your parent's money is also a bad conduct towards them.

    Inspite of doing all these things have we really thanked our parents ? No not possible. Refer to Surha Luqman, verse 14 : In travail upon travail did his mother bear him.... means when we wereint he womb of our mothers she carried us with utmost care....and two years of weaning, says the verse..Can we carry our mother continuosly for 24 hours day and night? No. Then how do we  thank her? Since we are not able to return their obligation with Ihsan, with better conduct then they did to us,  so we continue doing best to them and yet leave the matter to Allah to reward them...Note this Qur'anic verse : (Pray for them ) My Lord ! Bestow on them your mercy as they cherished me in childhood...

   Author : Nisaar Nadiadwala can be reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com.

ETIQUETTE & IMPORTANCE OF HIJAB/ ABAYA/ JILBAAB/ BURQHA/ PARDA in ALL RELIGIONS !





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Exposing yourself to the world is prohibited in EVERY RELIGION, no matter what faith you have. What Islam says will be highlighted later but lets start with other faiths first:

IN CHRISTIANITY:
"but any woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled disgraces her head—it is one and the same thing as having her head shaved.For if a woman will not veil herself, then she should cut off her hair; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or to be shaved, she should wear a veil." [Corinthians 11 (King James Version) V.5-6]

IN HINDUISM:
"When Brahma has made you a woman, you should lower your gaze and should not look up. You should put your
feet together and you should not reveal what the garment and the veil conceals." [Reg Ved Book 8,Ch 33,Verse 19]

5. "When Purshuram comes, Rama tellshis wife Sita that “He is our elder, please lower your gaze, and put on the veil." [Mahavira Charitra Act 2 Page 71]


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***IN ISLAM ***
The hijab is, first and foremost, an act of worship that women engage in, and an obligatory act undertaken to seek the pleasure of one’s Lord. Muslim women are required in Islam to cover themselves whenever they are outside of their homes or in the presence of non-mahrem men. This provides many benefits to the woman herself as well as to the society as a whole.

The word hijab is derived from the Arabic root hajaba, which means to hide from view or to conceal. Hijab is much more than a headscarf: it is an entire way of dressing, behaving and believing, It is indeed the case that many sisters are completely ignorant about the conditions of the legally valid hijab, and hence it is incumbent upon all of us to raise awareness of the legal conditions and features of a correct hijab. Knowledge is the cure for many of our mistakes. 

In non Islamic countries we witness various types of un-Islamic hijabs. Tight Jeans long leather high heeled boots and tight shirts with a head scarf are all typical representations of the kind of hijab that is now being promoted by many young and middle aged Muslim women. Today the way many Muslim women adorn the hijab defeats the whole purpose of hijab itself.
1. Proper hijab dictates that the entire body must be covered, although the face and hands may be exposed. However some cover themselves further by means of a face veil and gloves, and this is perfectly fine.Pants are unacceptable unless they are worn underneath the outer garments.
2. Colors and styles should be as plain as possible so that unnecessary attention is not drawn to the woman. In addition, the clothing should not be excessively rich and fancy in order to gain admiration nor excessively poor and ragged in order to gain sympathy. Modesty is the main goal.
3. Make-up does not matter unless it is completely covered by a face-veil & halal ingredients are used)
4. A Muslim woman who wears hijab should also strive to make her actions consistent with her dress with regards to Islamic guidelines for speech, manners and behavior.

The Conditions of hijaab: 
1) (It should not be an adornment in and of itself).
“… and not to show off their adornment.” [al-Noor 24:31]. The general meaning of this phrase includes the outer garment, because if it is decorated it will attract men’s attention to her
“And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance” [al-Ahzaab 33:33]

2) (It should be thick and not transparent or “see-thru”)
Transparent clothing makes a woman more tempting and beautiful. Concerning this the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “During the last days of my ummah there will be women who are clothed but naked, with something on their heads like the humps of camels. Curse them, for they are cursed.” Another hadeeth adds: “They will not enter Paradise or even smell its fragrance, although its fragrance can be detected from such and such a distance.”(Narrated by Muslim from the report of Abu Hurayrah).

3) (It should be loose, not tight so that it describes any part of the body).
The purpose of hijab is to prevent fitnah (temptation), and this can only be achieved if clothes are wide and loose. Tight clothes, even if they conceal the colour of the skin, still describe the size and shape of the body or part of it, and create a vivid image in the minds of men.So the jilbab must be wide. 

4) (It should not be perfumed)
There are many ahaadeeth which forbid women to wear perfume when they go out of their houses. 
Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari said: Muhammed (PBUH) said: “Any woman who puts on perfume then passes by people so that they can smell her fragrance, is an adulteress.” Moosa ibn Yassaar said that a woman passed by Abu Hurayrah and her scent was overpowering. He said, “O female slave of al-Jabbaar, are you going to the mosque?” She said, “Yes,” He said, “And have you put on perfume because of that?” She said, “Yes.” He said, “Go back and wash yourself, for I heard Muhammed(PBUH) say: ‘If a woman comes out to the mosque and her fragrance is overpowering, Allaah will not accept any prayer from her until she goes home and washes herself.’”(Gusal)
The reason for this prohibition is quite clear, that women’s fragrance may cause undue provocation of desires. The scholars also included other things under this heading of things to be avoided by women who want to go to the mosque, such as beautiful clothes, jewelry that can be seen, excessive adornments and mingling with men. 

5). It should not resemble the clothing of men or non believers.
Abu Hurayrah said: “Muhammed (PBUH) cursed the man who wears women’s clothes, and the woman who wears men’s clothes.”
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: I heard Muhammed (PBUH) say: ‘They are not part of us, the women who imitate men and the men who imitate women.’”
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said: “Muhammed (PBUH) said: ‘There are three who will not enter Paradise and Allaah will not even look at them on the Day of Resurrection: one who disobeys his parents, a woman who imitates men, and the duyooth [cuckold,(the husband of an unfaithful wife.) weak man who feels no jealousy over his womenfolk].”

6) (It should not be a garment of fame and vanity).
Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (PBUH) said: ‘Whoever wears a garment of fame and vanity in this world, Allah will clothe him in a garment of humiliation on the Day of Resurrection, then He will cause Fire to flame up around him.’” (Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, p. 54-67).

Moreover any jewelry or the sound of it should not be shown/heard, as it is a distraction.(eg.finger rings , bangles, anklets, bracelets etc.) 

It is haram to wear tightly fitting clothes which delineate the parts of the body, especially those parts which are sexually attractive.
`Be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy or evil desire for adultery, etc) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honorable manner.' (Surah Ahzab: This points towards rapport building and creating good relations with non mehrams by being extra soft spoken and artificial behavior. 
The heart is more pure when the sight is blocked (by hijab) and thus the prevention of fitna (evil actions is very much manifested. The hijab cuts off the ill thoughts and the greed of the sick hearts: 

Surah Al-Ahzab (33:59) states: "O Prophet [PBUH] Tell thy wives and daughters and the believing women that they should put on their outer garments; that is most convenient in order that THEY MAY BE RECOGNIZED (as Muslims) and not be molested."

THE BENEFITS OF HIJAB (COVERING) FOR WOMEN :
The HIJAB IS A SORT OF "SCREEN" BETWEEN THE CHASTE MUSLIM WOMAN AND THE EVIL THAT EXISTS IN THE WORLD. When a woman wears a hijab she is less likely to be harassed by men with lusty motives; SHE IS LESS LIKELY TO BE EXPLOITED FOR HER BEAUTY AND FEMINITY.

AN ACT OF OBEDIENCE 
And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, has indeed strayed in a plain error.' (S33:36). 
The Muslim woman does not try to impress anyone but Allah wherever she is and so she will strive to adhere by HIS orders in order to reach her goal. The hijab cuts down on competition among women. Many people in the West sacrifice financial savings and health in order to have plastic surgery - in a desperate attempt to meet up to an unrealistic standard of beauty. IN ISLAM, WOMEN ARE APPRECIATED FOR THEIR KNOWLEDGE, PIETY AND CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY. When women wear hijab one finds that the most beautiful women are not necessarily the most popular .Muslim women should be a practical example to tell people that they will have to judge her for her intelligence, personality, and character, and not just superficial physical traits or appearance 

Aisha (RA), the wife of the prophet (pbuh), addressed some women from the tribe of Banu Tameem who came to visit her and had light clothes on them, they were improperly dressed: "If indeed you are believing women, then truly this is not the dress of the believing women, and if you are not believing women, then enjoy it." 

THE HIJAB IS HAYA' (BASHFULNESS) There are two authentic hadith which state: "Each religion has a morality and the morality of Islam is haya'" AND "Bashfulness is from belief, and belief is in Al-Jannah (paradise)". The hijab fits the natural bashfulness which is a part of the nature of women. 
The main aim of hijab is to stop fitnah; females who are attractive by nature attract the gaze of males which then leads to other greater sins such as fornication and adultery. Allah commanded women neither to display their adornment nor to display any form of behavior that might attract the attention of men. 
If jilbab is worn with intention of worldly praise the reward of worldly aims is given in this life and no reward will be given after death and such women are found manipulating this Islamic dress code as their intention is not ‘Taqwa’ The jilbab is the very long coat, which covers from the shoulders to the ankles and not upto the knees as seen now a days.


The believing women of the prophets time clearly didnt dress with this 'modern hijab' which has totally been influenced by western culture. Islam can never change, whether people classify it as outdated or traditional

Anyone who disputes in the prescribed guidelines should keep it to themselves because each one will be accountable for his own actions. Here all evidence is from the Quran and sunnah. Allah says: 
“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error” [al-Ahzaab 33:36] 


*Clothing must cover the entire body, only the hands and face may remain visible (According to some Fiqh Schools) 
*Islam protects the woman. It is for this reason that Allah gave these laws. In today's society womankind is being exploited, female sexuality is being openly used in advertising, mainly to attract the desires of men and therefore sell the product or services.
*Allah has given us guidance through the Quran and Sunnah, He also given us the logic and commonsense to apply these in our everyday life. However, Allah is not unreasonable and understands the mankind’s weakness and to this I will refer you to the hadith in Sahih Al-Bukhari.The Prophet said, "Religion (Islam) is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So you should not be extremists, but try to be near perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by offering the prayers in the mornings, afternoons and during the last hour of the night." [1:38-O.B.]
When men dress to be respected, they wear a business suit that covers them to throat, wrist, and ankle, and they keep their hair simple and plain. When women dress to be respected, shouldn't they also cover to throat, wrist, and ankle, and make sure that their hair is not a decoration? 

Surah an-Nur : 31 and Surah al-Ahzab :59.
And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their beauty except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms, and not to display their beauty except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn in repentance to God together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful.


What does "what is apparent of it" mean? This is one of the passages in the Quran that is explained by the sunnah . When muslim women are obliged to wear the Hijab without truly pondering over its superiority and lack of fear of Allah they fail to follow these guidelines. Why? Because they observe these misguided disbelievers attempting to look beautiful for all to see. Hence, the Muslim woman then compares herself to that woman which causes her to feel ashamed of her own Hijab.

Muhammed (PBUH) said , "Allah is modest and covering. He loves modesty and privacy." [Abu Daawood, An-Nasaa'i Al-Bayhaqi, Ahmad].

Therefore, we see that the Hijab is indeed a part of modesty. Muhammed (PBUH) said: "Modesty is part of Eemaan and Eemaan is in Paradise." [At-Tirmithi]. Also: "Modesty and Eemaan are companions, when one goes away the other one goes away." [Al-Haakim]


It can be quite difficult for the woman to go out wearing Hijab in a society that mocks and torments her. Indeed, she may feel strange and out of place. However, if she knows the status of those who are mocked by the disbelievers,(in Allah’s sight) then she would continue to wear her Hijab with dignity.

Do not be envious of the disbelieving women. Such lewd women will not even smell the fragrance of Paradise; so our women must avoid their path. They only have this life to enjoy, while the believing women will have Paradise. There is nothing in your Hijab to be ashamed of, as it is the garment of the righteous and pious female worshippers of Allah. 

Allah Says :The criminals used to laugh at those who believed. And whenever they passed them, used to wink at one another. And when they returned to their own people, they would return jesting. When they saw them, they said: 'These have indeed gone astray!' But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not been sent as watchers over them (the believers). But on this Day those who believe will laugh at the disbelievers. On (high) thrones, looking (at all things). Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for what they used to do?" [Quran 83:29-36]

Covering the feet is something that is prescribed for women and is in fact obligatory for them according to many scholars.Either with her garment which is long and covers them or by wearing socks or shoes.


PROPER HIJAB IS :
1. An act of OBEDIENCE to The CREATOR
2. An act of HONOR and DIGNITY
3. An act of BELIEF and FAITH
4. An act of MODESTY
5. An act of PURITY
6. An act of BASHFULNESS
7. An act of RIGHTEOUSNESS
8. A SHIELD


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For detailed explanation and authentic references please refer to the following links

http://www.islamicgarden.com/article1016.html
http://hijaabinislam.blogspot.com/
http://www.jannah.org/sisters/hijab_protect.html
http://muslimeenforislam.blogspot.com/2008/02/hijab-etiquette.html
http://www.islam21c.com/islamic-law/2606-attractive-hijabs-a-shariah
http://www.islamfortoday.com/7conditions.htm
http://www.muhajabah.com/dresslikethat.htm
http://www.muslimwomenvoice.org/pages/sistersarticles/realwomen.ht
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/2945
http://islamqa.com/en/cat/437
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.211770052192573.47053.189798721056373&type=1

Taken From FB